Nicholas

I wanted to do a post not talking about medical updates or challenges but just about how amazing I think my boys are. I actually started this one several months ago but am finding it harder and harder to piece together more than a few minutes at a time (imagine that, ha,ha). There are few older pictures/videos in here that even though they are older are still really cute.

so here's one for Nicholas!!!! There are so, soooo many things I love about you Nicholas. It would be impossible to list them all.

But here's just a few.......

Every new stage is my FAVORITE stage
For the last several months
 you have been SUPER busy practicing moving furniture (a.k.a walking)

yep, you move every thing you can find thats not nailed down,
 slamming into any thing in your way, (these are from a couple months ago but sooo cute)



 But its when you are pushing things---using everything as a "walker" that you are at your absolute happiest!!!!

I love how you check in with me when you are about to explore something new to get my reaction....,

"I"m going to help you mama, okay?" "see this is me being super cute helping you,
 really how can you say no?"

It doesn't stop you..... but I love that you do it!!!

 I love how you are fascinated by every thing

and how determined you are

and that look on your face when you accompish something new

ah, ha, gotcha!

I love that you like to snuggle and that even in the middle of the day out of nowhere you will crawl into my lap to do so. No matter what kind of day I'm having, it absolutely melts me

(and I"m pretty certain, any one special enough who gets this gift!)

I love your serious, contemplative side when you are just taking it all in

I love how you stick your tongue out when you are concentrating on something

I love your "squinty" face and how you do it to make US laugh and yet it makes YOU laugh every time you do it too!!!

The crazy squeal you do when you're having a blast.

The familiar smirk that is sooooo your daddy

seriously, that smirk must be in the DNA

I challenge any one not to crack a smile when you are!!

Oh and ohhhhh how I love that your a mommy's boy

at least for right now

I'll try to soak up every second because I know

its not forever

 I love, love that no matter who's in the room, its me you look and reach for when you need comforting. such a powerful feeling being a mama. I love how you always reach up for whatever necklace I'm wearing to touch when you're getting sleepy or just needing some extra love. You've done this since you were a baby and its just your thing, its sooooo sweet.

 I love how busy, busy, busy you are and yet you always come back to me to "check in" with me throughout the running, like I am your home base. Its hard on others but I secretly (not so secretly now) love that you are so tuned in to me that you sense as soon as I'm not in the room and you go to seek me out.

I love that you look soooo much like your daddy yet you have my fiery "spirit" (a.k.a temper). okay I don't always love that but at least I know I'm in there somewhere.

 I read somewhere that once you become a Mother its like your heart beats permanently outside your chest. I totally get that now. I love you sweet Nicholas!!!

this was from a couple months ago but realize

I never posted. I think you need a dog in the future but

for now I love that you "walk" your car

Nicholas walking

There is a lot of moving going on in our house right now, and I'm not talking about the whole getting ready to move thing. I"m talking about my boys!

I've been trying to get some decent footage on Nicholas and his walking but it never fails that as soon as I get the camera out, he just gets all "deer in the headlights" and all activity stops. His first independent steps began over two months ago but he just didn't seem ready to let go of all of his push "toys" to really get the walking thing down. But during the last week or so, thats all changed.

He's taking steps ALL the time now. He's falling a lot ofcourse too but still. The look on his face when he's doing it is priceless, the look thats like "yeah, I'm doing something big here and I know it." What I also love, love, love is that it almost seems as if each of the boys was waiting for the other to really get moving. I just don't think its a coincidence that Nicholas is finally taking off just as Alex is finally getting a chance to also be upright and moving. I just know that there is this twin/brother thing going on between them. The way they look at each other and its like they speak their own language. I know it sounds hokey but I'm witnessing it daily.

 Hey, you thinkin what I"M thinkin?

 Yeah, lets get her!!!

 For the record it was a vegetable soup kind of day

and just to add some fun, I offered prunes to Alex

you know to help things a long.

ofcourse you can't give something to one boy

and have the other not want some too.

so Mama did not stay very clean during this lunch!!!

 Lucky for me these messy boys clean up pretty cute!!!

Needless to say, my heart is sooooo full!!!!

Anyway finally got some footage of Nicholas doing his thing. He loves doing his "laps" between his daddy and me!!!

Little Mario

After a longgggggg wait, Alex finally got his very own wheels. We trialled out this mobile stander back in Sept and again in October before we could finally justify to insurance that Alex would greatly benefit from this. Three long months later and he got his very own!!!!! It has felt like such a long wait. We had borrowed one from a loan closet without wheels but it was too big for him to ever really feel comfortable in it, even with all of our attempts to prop him up and distract him with toys. It didn't have wheels either so he had no freedom. but now, he has wheels, and the wait?  soooooo entirely worth it to see his smile, hear his laughter.

I was a little worried he'd not remember how to use it and start all over again. Silly Mommy, always managing to worry over nothing. Alex certainly didn't forget. He LOVES his wheels. This is only his second time in it since getting it late yesterday and he's already figuring it out, his arms are so much stronger than when he borrowed one just like it a couple months ago and he's going fast, fast, fast. Makes a momma's heart so very happy to see her little one soooo happy! Now the only concern? keeping BOTH boys safe while Alex (quickly becoming known as little Mario Andretti) is flying around these parts!!!

For those that aren't familiar you can read about standers here . You might not be able to see it so well in the video but Alex is standing in this mobile stander. He has his "boots" on to keep his feet and ankles stable and he's locked into knee stabilizers as well. His upper back and bottom are supported as well. Standers have a tremendous amount of benefits medically as well as developmentally and socially for those who can not otherwise stand on their own! Alex's arrived late yesterday afternoon and fits him perfectly. We couldn't find any before this one that actually fit him. At 26 inches, he's still a pretty little one and a half year old but with a very BIG spirit!!!

Nicholas also wants to get his hands on these wheels BADLY ha,ha and its a bit challenging keeping him out of the danger zone, ha,ha. Yeah, life's pretty good if this is my biggest concern these days!!!!!

This isn't the best video quality but I just couldn't wait to share so hope you enjoy!!!! I'll be back with more soon!!!!

thanks to our awesome therapist Julie for all of her support in getting this for our little guy

and keeping his brother out of danger and even laughing during our therapy time :)

Change

I'm soooo not good with change. I'm that person that relishes routine. Not to the point of boredom but I like knowing whats around the corner. I hate surprises. I like to be prepared, or at least feel like I am. I used to be the kind of person who knew what she was going to wear the next day. Now I'm just like that with the boys and for me, throw on whatever's (hopefully) clean. Change is stressful. Our journey right now is all about change and we'll be living there for a bit to come.

I know change is not all bad. Change is necessary. It makes you grow and stretch, propel you forward instead of being stuck. It can be positive, even life changing. I want to look at it in the glass is half full kind of way and mostly I do. Its just change is change, and I find it stressful.

We are moving, in three short weeks.  This is a (mostly) very good thing. We are grateful that everything has come together and we have the opportunity of building a home which I am very excited about. We get to help design a home that hopefully will fit our family better for the future and I realize a lot of people never get that chance. I am so grateful that we are able to, so grateful. We are building an open floor plan ranch home that will be much more accessible than where we are now. We will be in a quiet cul de sac for the kids instead of towards the end of what has become a much busier street. A better school district and much closer commute to work for hubby which will hopefully translate to him being able to spend more time with his boys in the evening.

I know its all incredible!!! My only wish is that I could jump right from here to there. right now. Transition is hard. I'll be moving further away from my own mama which ugh, just stings. We'll still see eachother obviously but it will just be a further drive. My mama has been a constant and even though she works full time, she manages to get over to see us and the boys every single week. I know the move will make that just a bit harder, especially for the rest of winter and that makes me sad. I know we'll figure it out though.

We would have been "home-less" these next few months while we wait for our house to be built and yet need to be out of the one we've already sold. We looked briefly at what we would have had to pay to rent a place while we waited and all of the moving costs on top of it. We are incredibly blessed that we were saved that whole hassle when my in-laws offered to have us come stay with them during this transition. Talk about generous!!!! The house is only a few minutes from where we are building so the bonus of being able to watch the progress on the new house will be priceless! Now its just getting our house packed up and figuring out what things to bring with us during our wait. I'm worried how the boys will handle all the changes and then a couple months later, more change as we move again but thats tempered by the extra doting I know they will get from their grandparents in the meantime!

I'm also learning because of the move we are losing almost all of the boys therapists. This is another biggie. These people become your family. You see them more often then your "real" family a lot of the times. They are here every week, twice a week. You get to know them, they you. You start out just being therapy, and them showing you exercises and activities to help your children be the best they can be. You see them believing in your kids, and they end up loving your kids, you get to hear about theirs. Topics slip to the regular ins and outs of child rearing and you count on them as the amazing resource they are. Sometimes they are the only person outside of your spouse that you'll see that day. You look forward to them coming. They see you when you're not showered, the kitchen is still a mess, and yet its comfortable. They don't judge you and heck the people we have make me feel like I have my act together way more than I do. Its hard to say good-bye. Its hard to start these new relationships over again and hope that it "fits" this easy. You want the new people to just start out loving your kids, believing in all they can do right from the beginning. You don't want to have to start all over and explain everything they've been through to where they are now.

I know it will all work out in the end, maybe for the better even. Sometimes its good to have fresh eyes, every one has different strengths so maybe our new people will bring new experiences with them, things we haven't tried yet that might help. I know we are doing the right thing for our family, I know we are exactly where we need to be so all the changes are just going to have to be for the best.

Speaking of where they are now: We had their check up a few weeks ago at the pediatrician. Nicholas is 19 pounds and 29 inches long and Alex is 18 pounds and 26 inches long. I know they are little still at a year and a half but its amazing to me how much they've grown from that one and a half pounds. Both boys are doing great. Nicholas is still working hard at that walking business.

 He's letting go more and more and getting more sure of himself. The last few days he is practicing walking back and forth between Daddy and me and he gets the most satisfied look on his face like he just knows he's doing something great. We've been trying to get a video of him for awhile now, this isn't the best one but you get the idea. Something about getting the video out and he just sits right down usually. stinker.

Alex is doing great. He's working sooo hard on sitting by himself. He still needs one of his hands for balance but he's been quickly letting go with both hands to hurry up and clap before he loses his balance and he is so proud of himself when he does this. He's so strong and he's trying to pull himself up on everything. We got the best news which is his mobile stander has finally been approved and it should be arriving in the next week or so. I can't wait to see him in it again!!! He is back to wearing his eye patch a couple hours a day since his eye had been drifting again. The eye doctor wasn't concerned and said sometimes it can take a couple times before the eye is strong enough to go without.

Alex: I solemnly swear (to try) not to rip this patch off.

 He is also getting a neck brace next week to help with his torticollis. We had been making gains with his head tilt with exercises and stretching but now that he's getting older and more independent, he's not as agreeable about these things and so its time to try something new. He will wear the neck brace to try to re-train him what proper alignment should feel like. He'll wear it whenever he's awake for at least a month or two before we know if its helping. I resisted this a few months ago when it was suggested because I didn't want to do one more thing "to" him but I understand now that this is "for" him and hopefully we can help improve this while he's still young.

Here's some teaser pics but check back soon for the video (blogger is having issues)!

This is a toy the boys got for Christmas from Grandma Karen and Grandpa Fred. Nicholas is obsessed with it!!! Its the first thing he wants to play with after breakfast. He likes to ride it, push it, play the music. Its hysterical. The only thing Nicholas doesn't like is when Alex wants to ride it, push it or play its music.

Then we discovered they BOTH like it if they do it together. Nicholas LOVES pushing Alex on the Firetruck. and Alex LOVES it too. Its the cutest thing. ever.

Check back soon, trying to upload the video!!!!